Poetry
i am writing in vignettes because all we have are fragments
31 May, 2021
Hasib Hourani is writing in place of Dženana Vucic for Running Dog’s poetry in May 2021.
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• • •
it rains on eid al fitr
my family spends four hours
in my living room without
the heater on we do not talk
we scroll and read
and listen and scroll and sit
and scroll and post
and watch my phone dies
before dinner
it is always about footage
my friend DMs me
have u seen that video of Toni Morrison
where she talks about how
no matter how bad things got
she always knew
that she was morally superior
to the racists in the world
in 2006 Mr Hyrnczak organised a fundraiser
for Gaza i was in year eight
and proud and smug and excited
that for a few days things were about us
i am writing in vignettes because
all we have are fragments
on monday
israeli forces fire on
Palestinians at al Aqsa
on tuesday
i stay home from work
on wednesday we wake up to
israel bombs Gaza
on thursday
i see a video of israeli cops and lynch mobs
breaking into a house in haifa
the owners ramming back the door
if a screech had a body
it would vibrate like that
the camera is shaking
someone has retweeted it
with this is nakba
this is what happened
to my family in 1948
now we have footage
i am writing in vignettes
because it is always about footage
i do not know when
this poem will be published
but by then these words
will have fossilised
i do not remember my dreams last night
just fragments
that return in whips a ponytail
a clothes hanger my dad
red plaid shirt
the tail of a prawn
chewing and swallowing
i read fascists among us
on the tram to the protest
to remind myself:
racists do have morals
they’re just not good ones
last year we went viral
normalisation and in
2019
annexation and in
2018
the march of return
it does not matter
when this poem is published
these fragments always fossilise
only to get dug up a year later
it storms the night before the protest
and the latch
on my bedroom window
has not been repaired
i lie on my back and think of the rain
and wind and hail teaming up to explode
the brittle seams of plastic
• • •
Statement of intent:
on monday my mentor and friend emails me and i reply, “i’m really struggling to see a point in writing what i’m writing, in the long run” “what am i doing this for?” “and who?” “i feel like my efforts would be better spent really investing in organising” “writing feels self indulgent and embarrassing”
on tuesday i send my colleague a message, “the catalysts for organising are also the catalysts for emotional exhaustion” “feels like a paradox”
on wednesday afternoon i send a voicenote to my friend and writer, she is Palestinian, “it feels selfish to put my voice out there when i am lost for words half the time”
and on wednesday evening i DM a good friend, “i am holding my breath thinking wow i am so supported!” “but for how long??” “u know??” “and that is scary, that is actually quite unstable to live within”
on thursday i start writing this poem. it is still thursday, and i am on my bedroom floor with my back against the window, door shut, my parents and sister wait for my younger brother to get here. wait to open our eid presents.
i am an experimental writer, i am too tired to experiment. i don’t want to play with form or make something innovative or interactive i want to be read. i want to be read and listened to and i want the people who read and listen to boycott with us, rally with us, shout with us. i want you to learn how to argue with zionists so we don’t have to be the only ones doing it. i want you to learn how to argue with zionists because i have spent my whole life trying to build safety away from them and so my reach is narrow.
we organise a second rally the week after the first one. my mum says “two??” and my sister says “and every saturday until we get justice” and she laughs it off.
say the word freedom five times. say it out loud. now write it down. write it down ten times. i don’t know how to demand a free Palestine anymore the words sound like fever dream. i want you to rally with us, shout with us, every saturday until we get justice.
Support Palestinian liberation:
BDS
BDS Australia
APAN
Grassroots Jerusalem
Al-Haq
Qattan Foundation
Al Riwaq
AlQaws
Listen to Hasib read their poem on 3CR Spoken Word.